Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
