The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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