Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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