me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
