what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
