sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
