his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
