Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
