He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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