Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I could fuck to npr.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
