i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
