In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
