I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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