he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
