i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
