What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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