I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
