Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
