Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
