I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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