We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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