the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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