Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
