my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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