ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
