I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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