my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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