I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I see more hoeing in ur future
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