why do cheetos always look like penises
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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