So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize