It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
