I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
