I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
