Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
