I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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