Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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