I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
