i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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