My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
