i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
