Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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