Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
