Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
