dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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