Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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