Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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