i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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