So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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