school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
