He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
