At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize