Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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