Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
