That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
