my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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