Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
