About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize