You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
bring money and cleavage
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
