SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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