just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
vagina is talking i cant
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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