I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
