I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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