You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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