I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
