Someone shit on the floor
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
