i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
