I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
