oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
