And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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