just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
