Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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