I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
