That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
