Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
