all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
