I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You need Xanax blowdarts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
