ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
