Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
