Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
